


Drawn to the light of your burning sorrows

by Kyriadamorte



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Child Neglect, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I got stuck on trauma and cuteness and forgot to smut, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mothlo, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Rey POV, and it kind of is but also lots of, hunger problems, probably not as kinky as it could have been, rural folklore stuff, this was supposed to be fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 12:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18135881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: Rey knows not to venture into the woods. But she remembers what they said about the woods. "All sorts of old, dark magic lives there. They're angry, Rey, and they don't live by our rules."ORThat one where Kylo is mothman.ORThat one where it was supposed to be smutty and fluffy, but then Rey's backstory happened.Inspired by the lovely art by @rosemothz on Twitter!





	Drawn to the light of your burning sorrows

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the lovely art by rosemothz on Twitter! Hers is a lot fluffier than mine, but hopefully she - and everyone else - still enjoys this. Mind the tags!

Rey knows not to venture into the woods.

 

She doesn't remember much about her parents. There aren't any photos left in the small trailer, no home videos.She can still see their faces if she tries - and she does, often.Some days she clutches her father's old, broken, white and orange motorcycle helmet and just breathes in the scent of sweat and stale beer and gasoline, clinging to the flashes of scent memory it gives her.Their voices are harder to hold and every time she tries to conjure them, they slip into her own.

 

(The screaming she remembers until she doesn't, until she puts it away in a small shoebox at the back of her mind so she doesn't have to think about it anymore, shoves it down until it's gone.)

 

But she remembers what they said about the woods. "All sorts of old, dark magic lives there. They're angry, Rey, and they don't live by our rules."

 

She thought it had just been stories to keep her in line, but she'd tried it once in a fit of contrariness and she can still feel her father's calloused fingers pressing bruises into her skin as he shakes her.   
  
( _"You think I'm fucking around, Rey?_ You think this is some sort of joke?You wander off in there, they take you, and I'm not going after you, you hear?"  
  
And, yes, she had, she had heard so she doesn't go, doesn't stray.She stays near home and she waits and she waits because that's where she's supposed to be and they'll come back, they will, she just has to be good and-)

 

So, yes, she knows not to go too deep into the woods. But she's reached the point where she doesn't have much of a choice. The wages she gets from running Plutt's junkyard buy less and less every month.Protein, vegetables…her body is screaming at her for them, but she only has so much money and the closest grocery store is seven miles away.She can't keep spending her money on gas, but if she walks there, she's burned at least half as many calories as she can buy.Before, sometimes, she used to save up and just do one big haul per month, but she doesn't have enough food in storage or savings in her piggy-bank to do that now.She could try to just go a week without food, but last time she'd attempted that with her current hours at work, she'd passed out and she _really_ can't afford to miss any hours or go to a doctor and-

 

Her salvation comes in the form of a small box of bullets sat atop one of the kitchen cabinets, pushed all the way to the back and gathering dust. She's known about the gun, of course, for ages. Her father had left it when he…. But it hasn't been used for much more than show whenever a drunk idiot wanders in from town and wants to try getting handsy with "that crazy scavenger bitch."Bullets, though, bullets change the game.

 

It's eggs that send her over the edge, in the end.She cracks one open and her nostrils are immediately assaulted with an utterly putrid stench.She tries the other one, the _last_ one and is met with the same results.For a full thirty seconds, she contemplates cooking them anyway. 

 

She pushes them into the trash and scrunches her nose up in disgust - both at the eggs and herself.She knows what she has to do; there can't possibly be anything in the woods that's worse than _that_.

 

~

 

Rey loads up the gun and pockets some plastic bags before heading out.

 

She barely breathes as she steps between two pines on the edge of the clearing, which she _knows_ is stupid because she's been this far before, multiple times, but there's something about passing the threshold _this_ time that seems heavier than before.The trees grow thicker and the air grows stiller, like the forest is trying to wrap itself around her.

 

She doesn't consider herself a nature girl, not by any means; she's always had better luck with machine parts than plants.But she's got a good eye for mushrooms, no doubt about that.She grabs a few, then more, and even though the forest itself hasn't changed, she feels the tension ease from her shoulders and she starts to breathe a little freer.Hours pass and her bags grow heavier and heavier. She's tempted to pop one into her mouth, but resists. 

 

_I will not eat food with dirt on it.I will not eat food with dirt on it. I will not-_

 

There's a rustle of leaves and the crack of a twig breaking and all thoughts of dirty mushrooms are gone.She drops the bags as quietly as she can manage and scans her surroundings.Nothing, not yet. The muted light is dimming still further into twilight and she should probably just go home, but she can hardly pass up the promise of fresh meat.

 

There's tree that must have fallen in the last big storm and a large bush that was partially split in two by the falling trunk.She holds the gun out in front of her and squints. Can't see anything, but - wait - there, maybe?Rey inches forward, scanning the leaves for any sign of movement.Still nothing, but then-

 

There's something dark, something big and she's drawn to it almost mindlessly as a feeling that's equal parts trepidation and excitement shivers down her spine.

 

_Mine, mine, show yourself so I can have you._

 

It does.

 

It's not what Rey's expecting.

 

Huge.A man, but not - and wings.Large, shimmering black wings. And at the end of his arms - all four of them - and legs that same black shimmering…something. And claws or something like them. He's licking something off his lips with a tongue that's far too long. She can't see any blood, but what else could it be? He advances on her and every warning she ever heard as a child is screaming at her.

 

_They don't like intruders, Rey.Don't like little girls running off where they don't belong.They find you…the things they'll do to you…._

 

Rey turns and runs.

 

She zigzags in and out of the trees and she thinks she can hear it following her, can hear wings flapping, but she doesn't look back, can't look back. 

 

_You should have been good, Rey. Shouldn't have strayed so far from home. I'm not coming for you not coming for you not-_

 

She has to get home. She'll be safe there; she _has_ to be.

 

_Run._

 

Rey nearly trips over a root right as she bursts into the little clearing, but manage to catch herself before face-planting into the dirt. No lights are on - can't afford it - but it's dark, it's all dark, why is it so dark?

 

She opens the door so quickly it nearly slams off its hinges and wouldn't that just be her fucking luck?She pulls it closed, but it doesn't click, it doesn't fucking click until one, two, three- _finally._ She then latches each lock with trembling fingers before going to check every single window.Her pillows and blanket get swept off her bed in flurried, frantic movements before she shoves them into the closet. Closing the door, she's brought back to her childhood and the same dissonant feelings of safety and panic settle in her throat.

 

She sits there a long time, trembling while her heart tries to escape her ribcage.Eventually, exhaustion and lack of food override her terror.Her eyes flutter closed and she almost forgets that she's hungry.

 

~

 

When she wakes up, on her doorstep are all four of her bags of mushrooms, placed neatly side by side.

 

There's also a dead rabbit.

 

It takes a while for her brain to catch up with what her eyes are seeing, but when it does she's back on full alert.She leans back inside, grabs the gun, and steps gingerly over the weird display of food.She does three full scans of the area before she's convinced there's nothing…no _one_ waiting to attack her.

 

Which leaves her with…the rabbit.

 

On the one hand, it could be a trap.She doesn't remember the specifics, but she's pretty sure eating food gifted to you by magical beings is a big old No in most stories.On the other hand, maybe it's a gift, a peace offering.If she turns her nose up at it, will it take offense?Take revenge?She's pretty sure that's a thing, too.

 

Her stomach lets out a truly painful growl and that makes up her mind for her.

 

She eats the fucking rabbit.

 

~

 

Rey's able to go three more weeks without worrying about or even thinking of the forest again.She's hardly feasting, but it gave her enough of a buffer that she can plan out two, sometimes three meals a day.The lack of clawing hunger and lingering headaches helps her forget about the source, helps her forget about the whole incident entirely.

 

(Rey's very good at forgetting, when she needs to be.)

 

And then Plutt decides to swan off and close the junkyard and cut her hours - and, more importantly, her wages - for two weeks in a row without the slightest warning.She tries to pace it out, she does, but it's so much harder to go back to that level of hunger now that she knows there's a solution.

 

She packs her bag, packs her gun, and sets out.

 

~

 

Rey goes in a different direction this time.Not because she's afraid, thank you very much. Just knows better than to pick the same spot dry too often without giving it time to regrow.

 

Her choice is rewarded with the discovery of blueberries.This time, she doesn't resist the urge to pop them directly into her mouth.Lovely tart goodness explodes on her tongue and she closes her eyes in appreciation.She eats a good thirteen more before she even pretends to place them into one of her bags.A small smile starts to settle onto her face as she gathers more and more, picking the bush dry.

 

She turns her right, prepared to start in on the next bush only to be faced with a hand - paw? - holding out a pile of beautiful, ripe blueberries.

 

Rey's gaze inches its way up from the lovely and rather tempting offering before her, up the surprisingly muscular arms, up past the frankly unfair set of pectorals, up to meet the gaze of the creature (man? boy?) in front fo her.She's not sure if it's the blueberries or the red antennae poking out of his wavy black hair or the fact that he's squatting in front of her like a little kid rather than towering above her, but she's not scared this time.Not much, that is.

 

"Hi," she says in a hushed voice that's barely more than a whisper.

 

Forest-boy-fairy-man cocks his head and says, with the exact same tone, volume, and pronunciation, "Hi."

 

Terrific.Truly inspirational first contact dialogue she's having here with the prince of the magic woods.What do people say in situations like this? _Are_ there situations like this?

 

"Um, are those for me?" she asks, gesturing to the berries with her chin.

 

In response, he extends his arm further, and his hand hovers over her own small collection.She opens the bag a bit wider and he drops all but two on top of hers.Those, he pops into his mouth in a way that reminds Rey a little bit of a four year old boy.

 

(She's not quite sure if the oddly long tongue contributes to or detracts from this overall impassion.)

  
"Thank you, um, but I've still got to go get more food.I need some meat and-"

 

He pops up, extends to his full, tall, pale…mostly naked height.

 

Oh, shit - was she not supposed to kill animals in the woods? Is that some kind of magic rule? But, no, he'd left her a rabbit before, so it can't be that b-

 

His wings expand - larger even than what she had expected.She was right that they're mostly black, but she was wrong, too.There's a beautiful, intricate pattern painted out across the length of them in a deep, shimmering bronze.And, in some parts, when the sun hits them just right, it's like they're glowing faintly red.

 

Before her brain can catch up with what she's seeing he jumps up while flapping them, once, twice - and then he's gone.

 

Right. Okay, then.

 

~

 

She gathers another four fists full of berries and a full bag of mushrooms, but no meat, by the time the sun starts to set again.

 

Time to go home.

 

~  
  
She wakes up to another rabbit on her doorstep.

~

That evening, Rey decides to cook her her….present over a fire rather than fighting with her stove for thirty minutes.The weather is nice enough and, besides, she's got a few plans she wants to try out.

 

When the meat's finished cooking, she serves herself her normal portion, but then sets aside another serving on a second plate.She holds it out in front of her in a way that she hopes looks enticing."Hello?Mr. Mothman?I made you some dinner."

 

Silence.She tries again, this time in a way that she hopes sounds a little less like she's trying to summon a puppy. 

 

She's about to give up, when she hears an odd half-trilling-half-purring noise from a few feet above her.Perched on a branch that Rey is surprised can hold his weight, in that same ridiculous squat, is her mothman. She smiles up at him in encouragement and gestures for him to join her.

 

Of course, he has to drop down dramatically in a flurry of wings and a rather large thump, but this time Rey's ready and is only a little spooked.He looks down at her, unblinking, but his lovely little red antennae are trembling in what Rey is interpreting as…nerves? excitement?

 

Right.She holds out the plate.

 

"Mr. Mothman? I'm sorry - I don't know your name, but I wanted to thank you…so I made you dinner."

 

It's mostly true. She does want to thank him, truly. But she also wants to make sure that, if there is any truth to this trapping-with-food business that it's not just her; she wants to make sure that _she's_ trapped him _back_.

 

He takes the plate and cocks his head again, like he's not quite sure what to do with it.

 

"Um, do you want to come inside?We could sit down and…eat…and stuff."

 

It's starting to become rather apparent to Rey that her years of relative isolation haven't done wonders for her conversational skills.Still, she's doing pretty much all the talking, so it's not like she's doing _too_ badly.Maybe he doesn't even really know what she's saying.

 

(She's pretty sure he does.)

 

He shuffles after her and nearly gets stuck in the doorway and _ugh_ why hadn't she thought about his wings and his torso and his general…largeness?He makes it in, though, and folds himself into one of the chairs at the tiny, wobbly table, with one of his knees up under his chin.

 

She digs into her food, too hungry to be a good host and wait for him to start.Lucky thing, too - she's gnawed all the way down to the bone before he even picks anything up.He inspects it, turning the leg this way, then that, before sticking out his long, weirdly bendy tongue…and licking it.

 

Okay.Well that's…Okay.

 

She chews as quickly as she can, swallows, then, "I'm sorry; I'm not quite sure what you like to eat. I…I don't really have much else, but I could…"

 

She starts looking around, though she's not sure why; she knows she's got a grand total of fuck-all other food to offer him, but it feels important that she at least looks like she's trying.

 

Mothboy looks, too - all while licking the roast rabbit leg like an odd sort of lollypop.Aaand now he's looking in the trash.

 

"No, that's not-"

 

But he's found an empty can of peaches before she can stop him and has abandoned the rabbit leg back on the plate in favor of shoving his entire face in the can.There's some slurping and humming as he licks the inside clean.He smiles shyly at her has he continues to essentially eat out garbage and it's a bizarre combination of erotic and gross.

 

Rey chooses not to react to either sensation.

 

~

 

He seems to take the whole event as an open invitation.Rey doesn't mind, though perhaps she should.He pops by more or less every evening, although he usually brings his own snack with him since the first incident with the rabbit.He'll often bring her snacks, too - birds and berries and even a bit of bark one time, although he figures out pretty quickly that she's not bark's biggest fan.

 

Seeing his face pressed against her window in the middle of a thunderstorm _is_ a bit of a shock, though, she will admit. 

 

When her heartbeat has slowed back down something reasonable, she unlatches all three locks and lets her soggy, looming friend inside.He flops down into his usual chair and water drips down his long, aquiline nose.He fluffs and shudders his wings, which are drooping morosely under the weight of the rain that's been soaking into them.

 

"Here, let me get you a towel or something to put on."

 

It's threadbare, definitely too small for him, and has a faded beer logo smack dab in the middle, but it'll get the job done.Rey holds it out to him, but he just stares back at it, blank-faced, unsure of what to do.

 

Right then.

 

"I'm going to dry you off a bit, alright?" she asks with a lot more confidence than she actually feels. 

 

While they've fallen into a rhythm together, shared spaces, shared food, Rey still hasn't…touched him.Although, to be fair, it's been a long time since she's purposefully touched _anyone._

 

She starts by slowly and delicately squeezing out water from his long, black, shiny locks, careful to avoid his thin red antennae.She runs her fingers through his hair, untangling knots that aren't even there.He hums beneath her touch, an odd, almost purring-sound.Rey smiles shyly - doesn't matter that he can't see her. Touch, soft touch like this…she's forgotten how nice it feels.

 

She moves to his neck, his shoulders, and then down to his…wings. He fluffs and flutters as she pats and strokes them as delicately as possible.Her fingers tremble slightly; wings…she's touching…wings.It's weird, but…beautiful.

 

He's started his odd little half-purr-half-trill noise again, which Rey hopes is a good thing. His head falls back against her chest and he rubs it slowly back and forth while exposing his long, pale neck.His eyes have fluttered closed and unless facial expressions differ wildly between species, it seems that, yes, this is nice, this is good.

 

The question's out of her mouth before she fully thinks it through. "What's your name?"

 

She feels silly and scrambles to take it back.While he seems to more or less understand English, she hasn't heard him speak this whole time. What if he feels put on the spot? What she's made him feel uncomfortable? What if he leave and doesn't come back ( _they never come back_ ) and-  
  
"Forgot."

 

His voice is lower than she expected…not that she'd really expected anything, but given the whole trilling thing….

 

It takes her a moment to process.

 

"Forgot? You mean…you forgot your name?"

 

He nods and, though his eyes are still shut, he's less relaxed now, some tension has worked its way back into his shoulders.

 

"Do you have something you'd like me to call you?"

 

He opens his eyes at that, but doesn't meet hers.Instead, he looks into mid distance, eyes flicker back and forth, seeing something she can't.

 

"Ben. Maybe. Dunno." A beat, and then, again: "Forgot."

 

Forgot?Forgot from when? Did he have a family? Were there more of…whatever he is at some point? How old is he? How long has-

 

"I got some pineapple for us to share," she says in a rush, pushing herself away from…Ben?

 

_Come on, be a good host.Don't have a breakdown._

 

"Oh and, uh, my name's Rey."

 

The canned pineapple had been a splurge.It was discounted because it was a bit past its expiration date, but it still probably would have made more sense to go with the canned green beans.

 

But he likes sweet things.And…Rey had wanted to feed him, too.

 

Her can opener stopped working a while ago so she takes out one of her knives and punches strategic holes around the edge until she can pry it open. She pours out even portions into two little mismatched bowls.

 

When she turns, he's wandered off from the small table, towel still draped loosely around his shoulders, and is making his way down the hallway.

 

"Ben?"

 

He doesn't turn, just keeps walking down the narrow shabby hallway to the little hovel she calls her room, his wings brushing up against the walls, snagging on bits of pealing, faded wallpaper.

 

" _Ben._ "Less a question, more a plea now.

 

He doesn't stop, just pops his head into her room with something close to childlike curiosity.Like it's nothing.

 

"Ben."A whisper, defeat.She's not ready for him to see her like this.She doesn't know why; he's seen the rest of her sad, little life. Shit, he's eaten from her _trash._ But it's different.This is different.

 

She wants to run out the door, but she doesn't - just places the bowls on her tiny broken table and walks unsteadily down the hallway to check on her absurd moth boy.

 

He's turning slowly, taking in every pathetic inch, and the world doesn't end.

 

Her bedding hasn't changed since she was seven years old. The faded pink comforter her mother had taken home from the second hand store, complete with the constellation of cigarette burns at the foot.The top pillow's a bit lumpier than when she was a child, but the odd little cartoon princess still stares up at them, waving, cheerful.

 

Rey loved her when she was a child, loves her even now.Rey wants to punch her.

 

Ben's eyes don't linger on Rey's bedding.No, they drift up, up, up to the bit of wall next to the window that got patched with a piece of plywood.She doesn't remember what happened to it before.Maybe there was a fight.Maybe there was an accident.There was a hole, that much she knows.

 

He runs his fingers - or, perhaps, they're claws - over the groves she's made there.Dozens - no hundreds, thousands, maybe - scratched out with a ballpoint pen that's all but lost its ink.

 

_I can explain._

 

_Yes, I did this, so what?_

 

_You've got wings and antennae and…fuzzy bits, you don't get to talk._

 

_I'm not crazy._

 

"They're coming back," is what she ends up saying."My parents.They promised.I just…I just wanted to keep track."

 

( _Okay, maybe you sound a bit crazy.)_

 

_Shut up._

 

It's not weird.It's not.It's fine.

 

Ben's face says it's not. He doesn't say anything, though.Not about that.

 

"Peaches?"

 

"Yeah," Rey says, eager to leave. "Peaches."

 

He hums and smiles and smacks lips and licks out the last few molecules with his absurdly long tongue and, yes, definitely worth the extra money.

 

She pushes the discomfort she felt over him seeing her room (her shrine, her prison) to the back of her mind and mostly forgets. It's better that way.

 

~

 

The next day he comes by before the sun has even really begun to set.It must be a bit early for him, she thinks, as she takes in the way he yawns and blinks and squints.He seems happy, though, judging by the soft smile and the way he bounces on the tips of his black, fluffy feet.

 

He all but drags her out into the woods while his wings flutter and twitch excitedly behind him.The trees don't scare her now and the air doesn't press and she's laughing as she half-jogs to keep up.

 

"Where are we going?"

 

He stops faster than Rey is expecting and she ends up much more closely acquainted with his bare chest than she was expecting.

 

"Surprise."

 

Well, he doesn't seem flustered so Rey's not going to be either.Absolutely not.

 

"Surprise, huh?Good surprise?"

 

He nods. Then- "Snack?"

 

There's a bundle of blueberries in his other hand, which he's thrust under her nose. She's not sure where he found them - she's picked most of the surrounding wood clean - but they're perfectly ripe and crisp and tart on her tongue.

 

The rest of their journey is slower but tastier.

 

It's quiet, other than the twittering of birds and the crunch of twigs and leaves beneath their feet.She should ask him something.He told her his name, or what he thinks his name probably is.He might tell her more things, if she just asks.

 

_Where did you come from?Were you always like this?Where do you live?Are there more of you? The whole moth thing…do you want to expand on that? You don't eat people, right? Where did you get the shorts?Do you have a house?What do you think about kissi-_

 

But then he might ask her things, too.She's not quite ready for that.

 

So they're quiet. It's actually kind of nice. The woods get denser, but it's no longer suffocating - an embrace, not a stranglehold.

 

_They'll steal you away, Rey._

 

Maybe. Would that be so bad?

 

"Here," he says after an hour or so, jolting Rey out of her reverie.

 

He brushes aside the leafy curving branches of an overgrown bush - first with his hand, then with his wing.What's revealed beyond…Rey's never seen so beautiful in her whole life.

 

The woods end all at once, opening up onto a small ledge that looks out onto a wide, rolling valley.It's so large, so open, so…. Rey's lived on the edge of the woods her whole life, never moved, never even left.The largest open space she's ever seen was the old football field. Or maybe that one stretch of road on the way to the junkyard. Depends on how you measure.

 

This is something else. Most of the trees are still green, but she can see where a patch to the north have started to shift to red and gold.She can see a stream winding through at the bottom.And - there - a town; she's not quite sure which one, but she thinks she can see a small, white church.

 

The world feels so big.

 

(Rey's life feels so small.)

 

Ben walks up behind her and the branches of the bush brush shut.They're alone, hidden.Protected.His excitement from before is still there, but has shifted slightly into shyness.He picks at his odd little claws and chews his lip, like he'd planned the whole getting here bit, but hadn't really thought beyond that.

 

Rey decides to save him.She takes a seat, cross-legged, on the small patch of grass and pats the space beside her.He sits. Then scooches closer. Then shimmies his wings slightly until one is spread slightly over her shoulders and against her spine. Rey manages not to laugh outright, but it's a close thing and smile spreads across her face. _Boys._

 

"Do you come here often?" Rey cringes the moment it's out of her mouth.Hopefully moth-people haven't been quite as exposed to this cliche as humans.She tries to salvage it. "I mean, it's beautiful, really - and I just wanted to know if-"

 

"Yes." It's his turn to save her. "Like to fly over the trees.All around the valley.But this is the best spot."

 

"Thank you for sharing it with me."

 

He hums and then - "Like sharing with you. 'Snice, not being alone.Been awhile."

 

"Yeah. Yeah, me too."

 

She should be brave, be brave like he's being brave.She leans against his shoulder instead.Slowly, ever so slowly, reaches out, touches one of his hands, and intertwines her fingers in his. They're velvety beneath her fingers and warm, warmer than she was expecting.

 

It's the weirdest date she's ever been on.

 

(It's the only date she's ever been on.)

 

The sun begins to fall below the horizon and the sky is painted with red and orange and pinks and purples.She's never seen stained glass, but this reminds her of it anyway.The temperature starts to drop.Rey knows she should head home.She knows, but she doesn't want to.She snuggles closer into his shoulder.He wraps the arm that isn't holding her hand around her shoulder and pulls her close.His wing presses more firmly against her. HIs nose nuzzles into her hair and his hot breath puffs against her scalp. She looks up, up - and there he is. 

 

Kissing feels different than she expected.She's not quite sure if it's her expectations or her choice in partner.Warm and soft, but not.Doesn't taste like blueberries, despite the dozens he'd popped into his mouth.Just skin.

 

The tongue is definitely a surprise.Not the concept of tongue with kissing - she knows about that -but his tongue is longer, thinner, stronger.And she's pretty sure he doesn't quite know what to do with it. To be fair, she's not sure either, but she knows inspecting her uvula isn't it, so she pushes back with her own boring, human one.He lets her and soon there's a nice push and pull, soft and lazy and intimate.

 

The descent from sitting upright to lying pressed against the grass is not a fast one, yet Rey cannot for the life of her pinpoint when the transition happens.But here she is.Here _he_ is, pressed against the length of her, still kissing.Two of his hands hold him upright, keeping his full weight off of her.A third is cupping her cheek and stroking the skin behind her, sending shivers down her neck.The last is at her waist and is rubbing small circles into the curve of her hipbone.

 

Her breath stutters against his lips.She doesn't touch people.And people don't touch her.Not nicely, at least, not like this. And now there's so much and it's everywhere and also very much not human, but it's nice, it's so nice, so why is she crying. He breaks off and nuzzles her nose and - thank fuck - doesn't ask her what's wrong because she sure as hell doesn't know.

 

(Nothing. Everything.)

 

He rolls to the side and brings her with him so they're facing each other and presses her tight against his chest. He unfurls one of his wings and shifts it until it's covering her, covering them both - a fuzzy black and red shield from invisible threats. She sniffles and burrows into his collarbone and tries to feel and act a bit less pathetic. It doesn't really work.

 

Ben doesn't pry, though, just holds her tight and rocks her a bit and hums something that might have once been a lullaby. It's wonderful, he's wonderful, but it hurts.

 

She wakes up tucked into her bed.She doesn't remember how she got there.

 

~

 

When it's finally time for Rey to go back to work, she's dreading it even more than she had expected to. Soft touches and secret pathways and afternoon adventures will be replaced with mountains of rust, the stench of stale beer, and a leering, snarling asshole who micromanages everything she does while drastically underpaying her.

 

Ben doesn't understand.He swings by when she's first heading how, that same excited bounce in his step. She feels like an asshole.

 

"Come with me, Rey. _Please._ "

 

"I can't, Ben. I've got to work."  
  
"…but you hate it."

 

She doesn't know how he knows that.Not sure she wants to know, either - whether it's mind reading or stalking, neither answer is particularly good.

 

"Doesn't matter.I gotta pay bills."

 

"Why?"

 

_Fucking A._ She doesn't have time to explain capitalism to her kind-of-fae not-quite-boyfriend.She stomps off down the road; it's too early for this shit and it's hard enough to convince herself to go as it is.

 

"Rey!"

 

She's going to be late.She doesn't turn around.

 

_"Rey!"_ he shouts, easily the loudest she's ever heard him. 

 

Then, softer, "I- I can't go with you."

 

She finally stops then. Turns. "I'm coming back, Ben; I promise."

 

He looks heartbroken ( _"Come back! Mama, please!")_ and her heart's in her throat and it's not fair she doesn't want to do this either-

 

(She's not like them.She's _not._ )

 

He sees that she's not going to stay and his expression shifts into an angry sulk - eyes hard, jaw clenched.

 

It's not fair.It's not her fault.

 

~

 

When Rey comes home that evening, he's not there for dinner.

 

She's lived by herself for over a decade.Hasn't shared meals for all but the last few weeks.

 

It's a bit terrifying how quickly she falls back onto needing someone.Or at lest wanting them.

 

~

 

It takes Ben three days to return.She hadn't been sure he would.He knocks on the door and holds out some berries, silent, still sulking a bit, but repentant.She steps aside and lets him in and offers him some canned pineapple. They eat in silence, but when she's done he tugs her into his lap and licks the juice from her lips.Rey supposes that means she's forgiven.

 

Two of his hands cup her jaw and two grip her hips and she can't help but laugh at the absurdity of her situation. He pulls back, slightly spooked. He's smiling, but it's faltering with nerves. She presses her forehead against his, nuzzles his nose. "I'm glad you came back."

 

"Shouldn'ta left.Shouldn'ta stayed away," he mumbles into her shoulder.

 

She kisses him, long and slow.They've gotten better at this - no knocking noses or clacking teeth.Their rhythm is effortless now and there's a lot less breaking down in tears, which is a pretty big improvement.Fuck, but she's missed this.

 

His lower set of hands slip from her hips to her ass and pushes her against his groin.It's bolder than he's been before, but she likes it.Rey can feel him hard beneath her and, not for the first time, she wonders what that particular part of his anatomy looks like.Will it be, like his face and torso, more…human in appearance?Or will it be a bit more bug-y, like his wings and limbs and antennae? What would that even look like?Rey's not sure she's ever even seen-

 

His mouth moves to her neck and he starts nibbling and licking, starting from the spot behind her ear and then down across her collarbone. All thought of bug genitals leaves her.

 

His higher hands creep up under her shirt, across her ribs, and then - _there_ \- he's cupping her breasts.Rey's never seen the point in bras, especially not at her size, so there was no reason to drop that kind of money. He doesn't seemed shocked that she's not wearing one. Maybe it's just that obvious that she never has been. Maybe he hasn't seen one before.

 

He's not really sure what to do, but he doesn't grab at them roughly, which is a relief, especially considering how large his hands are. She pulls one of her hands from his neck and places it over one of his. She moves his thumb back and forth over her nipple and it doesn't take long before he catches on to what she likes. She's not sure if it's the texture of the not-quite-fur on his hands or simply the fact that they're not _her_ hands, but she feels more sensitive than she ever has.

 

She grinds against him while moaning into his mouth and he lets out his little purring trill against her lips in response. His grip adjusts slightly, moves lower to her thighs and then he's picking her up and walking with her legs around his waist down the hallway to her bedroom.

 

(Days later, she'll marvel at the fact that this didn't bother her in the slightest, that it didn't even blip on her radar.)

 

He drops her playfully onto the bed and she lets out a giggle as she bounces. They both make quick work of their clothes after that - him, more than her, since he's only got the one.

 

She notes, with more than a little relief, that it's a fairly human-looking penis and decides to show her appreciation by wrapping her fingers around it.His eyes go comically wide before snapping shut. He loses his balance a bit and then he's bracing himself above her.

 

Maybe she should be scared. In some of the smutty books her mother had left behind, the virgins were always scared. She's not, though. Or maybe she is, a little, but not nearly as scared as he is.

 

"Dunno what- I-Rey, please," he breathes out against her lips.

 

So she shows him.Several times.

 

When she wakes up, Ben's still there, sprawled out on his stomach. He blinks softly at her in the morning light and nuzzles into her princess pillow while fluffing his wings.

 

He stayed. She's surprised by how little she's surprised.

 

~

 

Rey doesn't make a mark on her wall that day.Nor the next.Nor the one after that.

 

~

 

Things shift after that. It's not perfect.Plutt's still a shit.She's still living from paycheck to paycheck with the occasional supplement of berries and rodent.Her parents still haven't come back.But she's not alone.

 

She should have known it was too good to last.

 

~

 

Ben's already waiting by the time she comes home.He's leaning up against the side of her trailer, arms crossed, tapping one of his claws against his forearm in what she suspects is impatience.

 

She's later than normal. He soon sees why. 

 

She can pinpoint the exact moment that he takes in the bruise that's no doubt spreading out from her left eye and across her cheek. His face transforms into a snarl and his wings fully unfurl - large and black with striated streaks of red.

 

_"He hurt you."_

 

He's advancing on her and it should look ridiculous - on some level it does - but he looks so much angrier and more terrifying with his antennae sharp and slicked back instead of poking up unevenly with his usual childish curiosity. And he's huge; sometimes she forgets just how big he is. And four long, strong arms with claws at the end and he could hurt her if he wanted, what if he's angry at her for leaving and going to work, what if-

 

Her fear must have shown on her face because he stops dead in his tracks, mid-step.He puts his wings away and smoothes out his face and adjusts his body-language.His antennae even perk up and unfurl into their usual jaunty position.

 

"Sorry," he says, picking at his claws. "Didn't mean to scare you."

 

"It's fine." She doesn't say he didn't; she doesn't feel like lying.

 

"It's not."

 

No, it's not.None of this is.But it's not new.Despite her relationship with what's almost definitely some mythical being, her life isn't a fairytale. All her other problems don't magically disappear just because she's found love.

 

"You're right; it's not," she says, sighing and rubbing her face before wincing at the pain. "Stay and make it better?"

 

Despite the flirting she attempts with the question, they don't have sex.He wraps himself around her with all three sets of limbs and even his wings slightly.She snuggles into the Ben-cocoon.

 

What happens next is not her fault.

 

~

 

Rey's seen dead bodies before.The two fancy out-of-towners in their expensive car wrapped around a lamppost. The older woman who used to help run the gas station. But none of them looked like this.

 

Plutt was hardly a looker to begin with. Sweaty and frequently unwashed. Bald, probably dude to age and genetics at this point, but Rey just _knows_ he'd shaved his head when he was younger, too.He'd always been so big to her.Understandable when she was eight and had first started working for him.Guess the impression had just stuck over the years. 

 

He doesn't look so big, now.He's sprawled out on the concrete floor, arms and legs at odd angles, particularly for someone with Plutt's utter lack of flexibility. And there's blood - _so much blood_ \- pouring out of the dozens of slash marks all over his body. Knife marks…or claw marks….

 

_Fuck._

 

Everything is ruined. If Rey doesn't call them, it will probably take the police a few days to show up. But then, when they do…. Is she going to be arrested? And even if she's not, what is she going to do now?

 

She's been living on Plutt's land for years now.He could have turned her in to child services when rent stopped coming in from her parents, but he didn't. Yeah, so he didn't pay her minimum wage, but he'd let her stay for all those years while she waited for her family to come back.

 

There's no documentation.No guarantee that her next landlord is going to let her stay.And where is she going to get a job?She has no high school education.She can't even think of a single opening within fifteen miles.

 

_Everything is ruined._

 

~

 

"BEN!" she screams before she's even fully down the driveway.

 

There's no response.

 

"Ben - what the fuck did you do?" she yells, though he still hasn't made an appearance.

 

"Ben, you don't get to pull this shit and just leave me!"

 

Nothing.

 

_Fuck this._

 

Rey takes a deep breath and takes off into the woods.She's not sure where she's going; other than the few haunts Ben himself had shown her on their…dates…she doesn't actually know what parts of the forest he frequents.Does he even have a home? 

 

But it doesn't matter. She can't stop running; it's as if she's being pulled along the gnarled pathways by some unseen force, by the forest itself. _Ben, Ben, Ben - where are you?_

 

She's not sure how long she's been looking, but the woods no longer look familiar.She can't go back now, only forward.But it's getting darker, the woods are getting thicker, and the air is getting harder to breathe.Every time she blinks and opens her eyes, it's like the landscape has shifted.

 

She's losing her mind.But she needs to find Ben, she has to-Because that's how she's going to fix…It's going to fix…But how is it…He can…she can….But how….

 

She claps her hands to her temples and starts pulling at her hair in terrified frustration.That's when she notices the blood.

 

She finally comes to a stop, gasping and sweating, as she looks down on her bloodied hands.When did this happen? She hadn't touched the body….had she?She had just walked in and seen the body…she thinks…she can't remember…she-

 

But Ben had been the one who had…those were claw marks, right? Ben had gotten angry and had gone back and killed- Or had he?

 

Maybe she was the killer.Was Ben even real?A mothman, really? Maybe she's just finally lost it.

 

(Maybe she's just lost it this whole time.)

 

The ground is spinning beneath her and her limbs are on fire and her vision is blurring and the trees are whispering.  
  
(It's just the wind it's just the wind just the wind just the-)

 

_It's time, Rey.These are your first steps._

 

~

 

Rey's most of the way through losing her mind when Ben finally comes for her. The tree she's leaning up against has wrapped around her in a cocoon of bark and vines and leaves.She's sinking, sinking, falling away.Barely notices him at first. Maybe she's hallucinating.She blinks - still there.

 

"Ben," she croaks out; there's something wrong with her voice, "What's happening to me?"

 

"What should have happened a long time ago," he says and his voice is sad, why is he sad? "You've belonged to the forest for a while now, Rey; you were just holding on too tight."

 

"Too tight?…I don't understand."

 

"When your parents left, we were going to take care of you.It was time; but you just wouldn't let them go."

 

Her parents? Her parents…oh.She'd forgotten.Almost."They're coming back; they promised. I have to stay."

 

"They're not, Rey." Soft, but firm. It hurts; why is he hurting her like this?

 

"They are! I just have to-"

 

"They abandoned you, sold you to Plutt for drinking money."

 

Tears are streaming down her face. The truth is wrapping around her neck and squeezing. "They _left_ me."

 

He comes up to her, crouches down, kisses her forehead."They did.But I won't."

 

Her whole body is on fire; her whole body is ice. "Ben, please, I don't know what's happening."

 

He strokes her hair and wipes away her tears. "Don't be afraid; this happened to me, too.It'll be alright."

 

Roots and bark and vines are creeping their way up her neck, have almost covered her mouth, "Y-you? W-what-"

 

He looks to a space slightly to her right and his eyes lose focus.His brows furrow in a mix of concentration and pain.She doesn't want to hurt him; maybe she should take it back.But she needs to know.She needs this.

 

"My father was dead.My uncle…I don't remem…and my mother was crying.And smoke.Smoke everywhere.And then I was alone."

 

Her vision is almost completely obscured and his voice is muffled, until there's nothing. Rey falls, falls, falls into a dark, wet abyss of roots and moss and soil.

 

And then…she _rises_.

 

~

 

Rey looks down into the still waters of the pond at her reflection, her new reflection. Her antennae are bigger than Ben's, she notes with more than a bit of satisfaction.Where his…fuzz…is black and red, hers is white with shimmering blue and purple.She flexes and clenches her hands - all four of them - and notes the sharp claw-like tips at the end.And then, her favorite part - her wings.They stretch out wide and beautiful behind her and she flutters them experimentally. 

 

"I want to fly," she says, speaking to Ben's reflection, smiling over her shoulder.

 

"Then let's fly."

 

~

 

The moon is rising and stars have painted a beautiful mosaic across the night sky. Rey stands at the ledge in that same little clearing Ben had shown her before.Her four clawed toes grip the edge.She can do this.She can.All she has to do is-

 

_Jump._

 

She looks down at trees and pinpricks of civilization below and lets it all fall away. 

 

All the screaming, bleeding, yelling, hiding, lonely, hungry, rusting, lonely, crying-

 

Gone, shed like an extra skin.

 

Rey has never felt so free. 

 

~

 

The next evening, just as the sun has fully set, they set her dingy old trailer ablaze and bask in the beautiful, flickering light of the flames.

 


End file.
